The heart's desire to express needs an outlet.
May 20, 2021
Lately, I’ve started to do some little projects aground the house that I’ve been wanting to do for awhile. When I look at the end results of these creative ventures, I am so… “warmed” if you will, at the sight of the little “me expressions” that result from these projects, outings and “yes, I think I will” moments.
That “warm” soothing feeling I get when I look at these things isn’t coming from the thing itself, but the thoughts I have about the things. Like looking at this patchy old polyester quilt made by a great-grandmother who, I like to think, would love that I use and see it daily, even if it is draped over an ugly zero gravity chair on the porch. Or appreciating the funky, witty way I placed something. Seeing a chair I refinished and thinking “damn that looks good”.
Someone else might appreciate the sentiment or the aesthetic, but the cool thing for me is that I don’t really care what another person thinks. I did it for me. And that warm soothing feeling has come to feel like a hug of appreciation for me.
Following my creative whims based simply on my desire to see them play out IRL has become a kind of long and backwards way of actually APPRECIATING who I am, on a lot of different levels.
I wonder if it’s possible that when we start to take action on our desires, that we will start to appreciate and know ourselves more.
If you’re thinking you don’t have any deep, soul quenching, self-expression-type desires, I get it… but don’t overcomplicate this. I don’t think the desire to drape an old quilt over a chair is one that I thought of as deep and soul quenching. And yet it totally became that.
As we get accustomed to ignoring the little desires that want to be expressed, they slowly start to erode. What others might think, "I don't have time for that"... all of it erodes us. As inklings of the heart, little ideas, small playful experiments, “try this thing here”, moments become father apart until we just can’t find one.
Perhaps we start looking outside of ourselves for appreciation and for some idea of who we are, but who we are will always be ours to decipher
We really need to have a self to express in order to have self-expression