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Confusion antidote

Confusion is a sneaky form of living unconsciously. 

Ever notice how worry over something pretends to be necessary and important? Confusion sucks me into a vortex of worthless behavior like: 

  • Mentally spinning out. I convince myself I’m doing something important “thinking about it”. I convince myself the spinning out thinking is somehow productive. But ironically, the more I spin here, the harder making a decision actually feels. Spinning generates more and more sticky confusion. 
  • I also say “I don’t know”.  A LOT. Aloud or in my head.
  • I’m paralyzed to actually act or commit to something. Which feels awful, draining, and leaves me with this hangover of self-loathing.
  • Avoiding the subject: If I’m not spinning in negative mental energy over the problem, then I’m just avoiding it all together.  Another form of paralysis, with an energy draining undercurrent that is less overt than the spinning out. And the flagship activity of pushing something out of your consciousness. 

As awful as all of this feels, it is actually indulgent to let ourselves stay in the hellish grips of confusion. I know, “indulgent” seems like is should be associated with more pleasant things like chocolate pie or dog videos. But our primitive minds convince us to avoid making a “wrong” decision (umm... unless you're Cleo the psychic lady, that's impossible!). Or it warns us away from more challenging paths usually towards our dreams or some next level evolvement, which aren’t usually known to be lined with the pleasantries of chocolate and puppies, but instead failures, discomfort and growth.

Next level growth by definition requires getting outside of your comfort zone...which I want you to hear as your day to day familiar routine. Some decisions will push your comfort. Even though the current "comfort" may be uncomfortable, your brain likes familiar and will defend against changing. 

We well know our long lists of justifications and reasonings for why we should not do the risky things nudging us out of our zone of comfort. We hold on to those tightly. Then we can blame them for all the things later... forgetting we decided they were more important (like a lack of time, money, imagined sacrifice, or no guaranteed success with attempts, etc.) 

The lizard wants to protect us. So we often just fail ahead of time, waste time in confusion struggles that feel productive, or slip into being unconscious and distracted.  Not making decisions is a decision, my friends.  It's a way of avoiding taking responsibility - just "letting" it happen.  Since you have to be conscious of what you actually want to desire something and go for it, we have decide to want something in the first place.

There can be so many messy layers.

The simple answer to confusion is:

  1. make a decision
  2. and don’t look back.

Make a conscious choice. There is a difference between just wanting something and actually choosing something.

Choose something.

What if today you decide to make decisions fast? Despite the time we waste researching and thinking, decisions actually only take a moment to make. Don't give them a ton of time. Take some action. Anything. Even if it's just on the little things. What to wear, route to lunch, etc. Catch yourself being confused and decide instead to just decide. Stop indulging in wasting your precious mental energy "thinking about it" and just go. Then have your own back with the fallout or success of it. You're the one who gets to decide how you feel about it in the end. 

Decide whatever you decide is the right decision simply because it's the one you made.

We're all doing the best we can with what where we are and what we got, right? Your decision may not be the ideal outcome, but you can decide that the experience was there to teach you something. I choose to think that the universe is always conspiring for my success. Beating myself up for my decisions after I made them is pointless and steals an opportunity for compassion, connection and acceptance - something we all crave from others, but need most from ourselves. Moreover, deciding an outcome was a flop probably negates what is probably a learning opportunity for a lesson I'm going to have to face over and over until I learn. So wake up! 

Not only are you doing great, but you're an A-1, badass human that can do really hard things - even if you don't know it.  Always have your own back. Decide that whatever the outcome of the decision that it was perfect and regret isn't an option. See all the possible as results as opportunities for your learning and growth and it can't go wrong. 

The worst thing that can happen comes down to an emotion you can decide to feel or not.... and either way can actually survive experiencing. Really, the very worst that can happen is you missing out on the best case scenario.

Doing your best is all you can do. Practice letting the current of making decisions quickly carry you around. It’s invigorating. And actually way more "self-loving" than bubble baths, chocolate and maybe even puppies. 

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